Nervous energy

I should be headed to bed (ummm...an hour ago...) but I can't shake all of this nervous energy I feel balled up inside of me. I can usually run it off, and I ran hard and long tonight, but to no avail. You see, there have been two fairly significant occurrences in the last two days that I can't seem to shake.

The First:
Last night at 2:30am, we are awakened by Grover going absolutely ballistic - barking, pacing - and then we heard thunderous footsteps overhead. We got out of bed to investigate and immediately smelled smoke and burning material. We shoved Hammy in a bag, grabbed Grover, and bolted for the sidewalk, where we found most of our other neighbors huddled and clutching their own pets. So the story goes, our upstairs neighbor introduced an unfortunate combination of a cigarette and a plant, and while no one was injured and the building damage was minor, there was the realization that this fire broke out INCHES away from a propane grill on his balcony.

The Second:
I leave work today and walk right into a crowd of people staring across the street, and I see a SWAT team surrounding a building from the sidewalk, and on the roof as well. I kept walking because I didn't want to see something terrible, but as I made my way through the onlookers, I overhead people saying that someone had or was about to commit suicide off of this 6 story building. This added to the black cloud (no pun intended) of the fire from the night before, which hung over me all the way home.

This is when I hit the pavement running, and felt almost like a panic attack might set in, so I just kept running and running, hoping to overcome the feeling. I did, somewhat, when I took Grover to the dog park and was able to observe the innocent joy of dogs interacting with one another. But now, as I should get in bed, I feel the feeling again.


I guess I've just been reminded - slapped in the face repeatedly is more like it - that life is so fragile and so unpredictable. It also (thankfully) makes me cling to what is NOT fragile and unpredictable, and wonder how people can cope with these gritty realities when they don't believe there is any guiding purpose or stronger being than oneself.

The peace that passes all understanding.....I'm really squeezing tight to that tonight.

Amen.